Why Selfless Esteem Is Better Than Self-Esteem

Selfless Esteem vs Self-Esteem article

Are you ready to challenge the most popular psychology theory? For over 30 years, we’ve tried to increase the self-esteem of ourselves and others, yet the suicide** rate for ages 15-24 has tripled since the 1950’s, according to this article by Inspire Malibu. Isn’t it time to consider an alternative to the seemingly ineffective and possibly detrimental emphasis on self-esteem? 🤔

The Problem with Self-Esteem

Self-esteem roller coaster of emotions

Self-esteem is how we view ourselves. This can be high or low depending on how we perceive our characteristics, successes or failures. Consequently, we tend to feel more anxious or insecure as we evaluate ourselves. Who wants to continue on that endless roller coaster?

Even worse is judging ourselves based on how others view us because this is so subjective. Other people have different opinions of us for countless reasons; they have limited information, they’re in a bad mood that day, and so on. Basing our self-worth on someone else’s viewpoint keeps us on the roller coaster of self-esteem. (See the related posts, “Yes, You Can Stop Feeling Insecure! Here’s How” and “4 Ways To Stop People Pleasing.”)

The Freedom of Selfless Esteem

woman swimming with fins in the ocean toward a light on the surface

Selfless Esteem takes the focus off ourselves and onto God and His view of us as His beloved children (1 John 3:1). We become free from the roller coaster of self-esteem because His love never changes (Psalm 136:26). God loves us unconditionally and so we love ourselves unconditionally.

But does that mean we disregard our unique characteristics and accomplishments? No, it’s still important to acknowledge them—while remembering they’re gifts from God (James 1:17). We celebrate our good traits in respect to the Giver of them.

With Selfless Esteem, we’re no longer preoccupied with what others think. Romans 8:34 says, “Who is he who condemns? It is Christ who died, and furthermore is also risen, who is even at the right hand of God, who also makes intercession for us.” God has justified us (Romans 8:1; Romans 8:33), and His viewpoint holds much more weight than other people’s opinions.

Selfless Esteem defines our identity as a reflection of God because we are made in His image (Genesis 1:27). Furthermore, we are a “new creation” because of Jesus (2 Corinthians 5:17). For these reasons, we can get off the roller coaster of self-esteem.

The song, “Hello, My Name Is,” by Matthew West is a great reminder of who we are in Christ.

To recap, here are the main differences:


  • How people view themselves
  • Fluctuates
  • Includes others’ opinions

Selfless Esteem

  • How God views us
  • Stable
  • Justified by God

Self-esteem involves self-evaluation, which causes insecurity, anxiety, and more. Selfless Esteem is freedom from self-consciousness by focusing on our Creator, who is “the Beginning and the End” (Revelation 1:8). The result is joy and peace. (See the posts, “The Real Truth About God,” “5 Must-Know Ways to Hear God’s Voice,” and “How To Pray in 5 Simple Steps.”

If you’d like to have a free list of affirmations to take steps toward the freedom of Selfless Esteem, click here. Then meditate on each one until you not only understand it mentally, but also you believe it with all your heart.

This website is about boosting our Selfless Esteem and loving ourselves unconditionally in the same way God does. I invite you to take the journey toward Selfless Esteem, and in the process, you will paradoxically become the best version of yourself. 👑

If you’ve found this blog interesting, please share it on social media. And be sure to subscribe to our newsletter to get the latest content.

Click here to ask a question about life stressors you are facing. The answer will be from the perspective of Selfless Esteem and could be featured in a blog.

**Please note: I understand there are many factors that contribute to a tragic death by suicide. I’m only referring to the stressful habit of self-evaluation that may influence suicidal ideation and tendencies. In other words, I’m not trying to oversimplify a complex and very heartbreaking issue. (Peace and respect, y’all❤️).

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New King James Version®. Copyright © 1984 by Thomas Nelson Publishers, Nashville, TN. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

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  1. Smiley

    I always try to remind myself to view myself the way God does, not always easy, but the positive affirmations are helping. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this topic!

    1. Gina Leggio

      Thanks so much for your comment. Yes, it’s not easy so I think we all need God’s help to see ourselves the way He does.

  2. Courtnee Gray

    I loved this post! This is a topic so many people need to read! The picture you chose was amazing : depicting that there is always a light at the end of tunnel ☺️ looking forward to future posts!

    1. Gina Leggio

      Thanks! Glory to God. I checked out your site and I love how devoted and brave you are in stopping the stigma regarding mental health. I’m looking forward to future posts on your blog as well!

  3. T.C.

    This is a great blog on such an important topic! I really like the idea of self-less esteem because as you mentioned our feelings about ourselves can change periodically but God’s love for us never changes. That gives a much more stable emotional foundation. Blessings : )

  4. Hunter

    Agree with many of your points
    Especially about our inherent beauty, value and dignity as created by God.
    Examination of conscience is a valuable tool for self assessment to evaluate our position inside of God’s perfect will for our lives. To assist us in course correction of our sins of both commission and omission.
    These admissions of our weaknesses are not rooted in shame but rather in justice and will strengthen us through virtue and thereby lead us ever closer to the most Sacred Heart of our Savior, Jesus Christ!
    Thank you for your insight into God’s unconditional love to remind us that we are good and worthy of His attention as we are created in His image!

    1. gleggio@ymail.com

      Thanks so much for your thorough comment, full of wisdom and truth. I’m glad you brought up examination of conscience–you are correct about no shame. One of the best times to examine ourselves is during Communion as noted in 1 Corinthians 11:28, which is when we remember that Jesus died for our sins. 1 Cor 11:28 is written in the context of people, who were partaking in Communion in a way that doesn’t fit its meaning, but also, I interpret it to be the perfect time to take a moment to examine ourselves in the loving presence of God. In other words, we look at our areas in need of growth without shame during Communion because we are simultaneously aware that God forgives us. Thanks again!

  5. Michael

    Wow, thank you so much for your insight. Of course, with social media dominating so many lives, self esteem suffers so much more as the opinion and approval of others is all that matters. As you said, selfless esteem is the answer.

  6. Lina

    Yes! The more we evaluate ourselves, the more we go on a downward spiral. I love the scuba image because it’s a reminder of ascending from the depths toward the light.

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