Yes, You Can Stop Feeling Insecure! Here’s How
Dear Selfless Esteem,
How do I stop feeling so insecure about myself? I’m constantly thinking that everything I do is being watched and judged by others. It’s exhausting.
Dear Insecure Blues,
Thanks for bringing up a topic that so many people can relate to. Everyone has been affected by this problem at some point in their lives. That’s why the Bible instructs us and reassures us about it through numerous passages.
Proverbs 29:25 says, “The fear of man brings a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord shall be safe.” That snare could be stress, depression, self-doubt, and the exhaustion you mentioned. (If so, please see the posts, “6 Effective Ways To Manage Stress,” “Want To Stop Feeling Depressed? Here’s How,” “How To Change Self Harming to Self Healing,” and “Defeat Self-Criticism.”)
The second part of the verse advises us to trust God. However, people commonly trust in the act of pleasing people to avoid judgment. For more information, see the post, “4 Ways To Stop People-Pleasing.” And read on for 5 effective ways to stop feeling insecure. ʕ•́ᴥ•̀ʔっ
1. Check Your Mindset
First of all, be mindful of what you think about others. If you’re constantly critical of people, then you’ll assume they have the same thought patterns.
Jesus is the perfect role model because He isn’t judgmental. When He saw people, “He was moved with compassion for them, because they were weary and scattered, like sheep having no shepherd” (Matthew 9:36).
Or, maybe you’re not a fault-finding type of person. It’s possible that your insecurity is related to past negative incidents, such as harsh criticism from parental figures or being bullied in school. If so, you may be interested in the post, “3 Essential Steps To Heal from Childhood Trauma.” Regardless, keep reading for more tips.
2. Fear God, Not People
I surmise that you subconsciously think some people are better than you. Otherwise, you wouldn’t give them such authority to judge you. On the other hand, if you think you’re better, then you don’t worry about what they think. For example, I presume that you could be in a room full of children without feeling insecure because you’re on a higher level of maturity than them.
If that’s the case, remember God is sovereign; the rest of us are on the same level as His servants (1 Corinthians 4:1). Jesus advised us to fear God instead of people because the worst thing people can do is kill our bodies; whereas, God has the power to cast our spirits into hell (Luke 12:4-5).
Besides, people usually don’t have enough information to judge you. Furthermore, their thoughts can easily be influenced by their mood, prejudice, or something completely unrelated to you. For these reasons, it doesn’t matter what they think. And this leads us to a song way back in 1981 by the Go-Go’s, “Our Lips Are Sealed.” Please see the video below.
As you watched video, I hope you noticed the lyrics, “Pay no mind to what they say. It doesn’t matter anyway.” Thus, whenever you start to worry about others’ opinions, stop that thought and then mentally frolic in a public fountain without a care. 🙂
God is the only judge (James 4:12) so let’s evaluate ourselves according to His standards. “And what does the Lord require of you, but to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God?” (Micah 6:8).
To explain further, I’ll use an illustration of having guests in your home. If people feel welcome and special, then they’ll have a great experience in spite of any outdated furniture or minor messes. In other words, focus on what matters: a kind, hospitable spirit.
4. Develop Selfless Esteem
We can’t be free of other people’s opinions of us until we are free of all their opinions of us, including the good ones. If we take their approval personally, we’ll likewise take their disapproval personally.
One of the characteristics of selfless esteem is pointing others to God, not ourselves. We glorify God with our good deeds (Matthew 5:16) because He’s the one, who enables us to do them (John 15:5).
So how can we accept people’s accolades without taking it personally? In his book, Between Heaven and the Real World: My Story, award-winning musician Steven Curtis Chapman explains how he handles applause by using an analogy of a bouquet of flowers.
“In China, after someone performs onstage, appreciative members of the audience present the musician with a bouquet of flowers. I sensed my heavenly Father saying to me, ‘You know I gave you this gift and all the glory is Mine. And I know that you know it would be foolish to think otherwise. When people applaud you or express appreciation when you do your craft well, it’s as if they are presenting you the bouquet of flowers in their desire to give it to Me. You have to receive the flowers from them–you gather them up in your arms and breathe in their fragrance and enjoy their beauty–and then bring the flowers to Me, just as I know you will. You don’t have to put on any airs of false humility. In fact, I want you to take pleasure and joy in receiving the flowers; that brings Me joy. But then just bring them to Me'” (2017, p. 197-198).
5. Surround yourself with love and support
Whenever you think that you’re being “watched and judged” by others, a strong support system is a source of encouragement. The following are 4 components.
- Keep company with friends and family, who love you for who you are…and who give constructive feedback with love.
- Find a competent therapist, who will show unconditional positive regard as you express your thoughts and feelings. (See “What Is Wise Counsel and Good Therapy?” for details.)
- Spend time with God in prayer, receiving His everlasting love. (For more information, see the posts, “Why Selfless Esteem Is Better Than Self-Esteem,” “The Real Truth About God,” and “How To Pray in 5 Simple Steps.”)
- If you’re an animal lover, pets are good, nonjudgmental companions. ≧◉◡◉≦
The bottom line is Jesus died for our sins so that we could be right with God (Romans 4:25). “So now anyone who is in Christ Jesus is not judged guilty” (Romans 8:1 ERV).★
Chapman, Steven Curtis (2017). Between Heaven and the Real World: My Story. Revell, a division of Baker Publishing Group.
All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New King James Version®. Copyright © 1984 by Thomas Nelson Publishers, Nashville, TN. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
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