The One Thing All Single People Should Know
Dear Selfless Esteem,
Several laymen and clergy have weighed in on both sides of this dilemma. My question concerns sexual self-gratification. As a single elder gentleman, I’ve been told by my primary care physician and urologist that I should “keep the pipes open” or they won’t function properly. Since I’m not dating anyone, they suggest “self-gratification,” but this would involve lustful thinking. I do have a friend in a loveless marriage, who has dysfunction and requires him to self-catherize. What to do?
Tormented Single Catholic
Dear Tormented Single Catholic,
Are you tormented because you’re at a crossroads? Or are you tormented because you’re a single person with a sex drive? Either way, this post will address both from the viewpoint of Selfless Esteem. ✍
I’m not a physician or a urologist so I’m in no position to debate your doctors’ advice; however, I haven’t found any medical research that supports it. Instead, I’ve found information on the relationship of nutrition and urinary retention, such as the following video by Eric Berg, DC, which you can discuss with your physician and urologist.
Still, I can’t negate their advice, so I suggest consulting your physician and urologist about how sufficient the body is to “keep the pipes open” on its own. According to the article, “What Is a Wet Dream?” in verywellhealth.com, by Brandon Peters, MD, nocturnal emissions happen during periods of prolonged abstinence. The question for your doctors would be: is the body’s natural maintenance system adequate?
The Sex Drive
It sounds like you sincerely want to please God by avoiding lustful thoughts, but at the same time, you feel “tormented.” I suggest seeking support from other men, such as a trusted priest, a group of men from your church, Promise Keepers, and/or a competent male therapist. (See the post, “What Is Wise Counsel and Good Therapy?“) Also, you may be interested in the post, “6 Effective Ways To Manage Stress.”
Who knows if you will remain single? There’s a possibility your situation could change. For related posts, see “Looking for Love” and “4 Things To Do Before Starting a Workplace Romance.”
Regardless, ask God for the gift of celibacy (Matthew 19:11) while you’re single. Also, you may be interested in the post, “How To Be Happy Single.”
Thanks for bringing up this topic, which has led to one thing all single people should know. “He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord. But he who is married cares about the things of the world—how he may please his wife” (1 Corinthians 7:32-33). Single people have a special opportunity to give more of their undivided attention to God.
Psalm 37:4 says, “Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.” (For more details about focusing on God, see the posts, “Why Selfless Esteem Is Better Than Self-Esteem,” “How To Pray in 5 Simple Steps,” and “The Real Truth About God.”) Spending time with God in worship and prayer will reveal and satisfy your heart’s greatest desire. ✞
All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New King James Version®. Copyright © 1984 by Thomas Nelson Publishers, Nashville, TN. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
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