What To Do If You’re Looking for Love

Looking for Love

Dear Selfless Esteem,
I am a young woman from another country and Ι am bilingual. My sister found a nice man here and they married, so how about me?! 🙂

Looking for Love

Dear Looking for Love,

First of all, welcome to the USA! Secondly, I can’t match you with someone because this is not a dating site, but I’ll be happy to answer your question from the point of view of Selfless Esteem. 😊

Prepare for Marriage

It’s understandable that you would like a husband, especially since this is sometimes romanticized. People usually anticipate what they would gain from marriage. But do you realize that the core of marriage is loving someone sacrificially and unconditionally—and are you ready for that?

For this reason, make good use of your time by working on self-improvement. First of all, spend time in the presence of God because we become like those, whose company we share. When we focus on God, we develop the fruits of the Spirit: “love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control” (Galatians 5:22-23). (For more details about focusing on God, see the posts, “Why Selfless Esteem Is Better Than Self-Esteem,”The Real Truth About God,” and “How To Pray in 5 Simple Steps.”)

Then, practice these fruits of the Spirit in your current relationships. (You may also be interested in “3 Successful Strategies You Need to Develop Good Habits.”) If you need help, find a competent therapist, who can also guide you in self-discovery regarding your communication style, personality and family history. This information will be useful as you build a relationship with any future significant other.

Proverbs 3:5 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.” Thus, ask God for wisdom (James 1:5) to discern which suitor is the best prospect and to determine the best time to get married. If you get engaged, then I recommend pre-marital counseling to discuss your expectations, your compatibility and more.

Heed God’s Priority

Marriage is a good goal, but it’s not God’s priority. For example, over 2000 years ago, Mary was betrothed to Joseph. But God interrupted their plans because His priority is bringing light into the world. John 8:12 states that Jesus is the “light of the world.” Therefore, God’s priority for us is to share Jesus’ light and love with the world.

Singlehood is an opportunity to serve the Lord without distraction; whereas, married people focus on how to please their spouses (1 Corinthians 7:34-35). (For more information, see “The One Thing All Single People Should Know.”) You may already be serving God by helping others. Regardless, here are some ideas:

  • Babysitting so couples can have a date night or single parents can have a break
  • Becoming a volunteer for a nonprofit organization
  • Mentoring teenagers
  • Preparing meals and baked goods to share with people, who are in need
  • Participating in a ministry at church

If you prioritize service to God and others over your goal of marriage, you might ironically meet your husband in the process. An example of this is the story of a widow named Ruth, who chose to follow God and help her mother-in-law, Naomi. Meanwhile, God arranged for her to meet a man named Boaz, who was destined to become her husband. Boaz observed how well Ruth treated Naomi. He was so impressed by her virtuous lifestyle that he honored her with accolades, provision and protection. The end of the story is that they got married and had a son. (See the Book of Ruth for more details.)

Trust God

Psalm 37:3-4 states, “Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness. Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.” Many people chase what they think are the desires of their heart. Instead, we are supposed to delight in God and pursue a relationship with Him. (See the post, “How To Be Happy Single.”) Then He will satisfy our hearts’ desires because He knows what we want even more than we do.

Trust God
Trust God with your ♡.

If your heart’s desire is truly marriage, God knows the perfect match for you. Review the stories of how Adam and Eve (Genesis 2), Isaac and Rebekah (Genesis 24), and Jacob and Rachel met (Genesis 29:1-12). In each of these stories, God was the divine orchestrator of how they met. Therefore, stay close to God and follow His lead.

The bottom line is to be sure to share Jesus’ light and love with others whether you get married or not. 🌟 And so I close with a song called “Refiner’s Fire” by Brian Doerksen because of its meaningful lyrics, which I think can be especially applicable to singlehood.

“Refiner’s Fire” by Brian Doerksen

This post was originally posted on 7/9/22 and has been updated.

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New King James Version®. Copyright © 1984 by Thomas Nelson Publishers, Nashville, TN. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

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  1. Jane

    Really thankful for this, it makes me feel better😊

  2. TC

    I love that you suggested pre-marital counseling! I had never heard of it until after I was married and I would imagine there are others that haven’t, either. I would strongly guess that over half of all engagements would end if everyone completed this. God has given you some great advice to share with singles overall. Thank you for sharing it. This is such an important topic.

    1. gleggio@ymail.com

      Thanks so much for your comment. Premarital counseling is effective if the couple finds a quality therapist…and if the couple participates with an open mind.:)

  3. Michael

    Lots of pearls of wisdom for EVERYONE in this installment of Selfless Esteem! As always, thanks!

    1. gleggio@ymail.com

      Thanks so much for your comment. Glory to God.

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