How To Be Happy Single
Dear Selfless Esteem,
I’ve always had a girlfriend since high school. My most recent relationship just ended. I don’t want to be alone, but I feel like I should take a break. How can I be single without being lonely?
Signed,
Lonely Ranger
Dear Lonely Ranger,
You are wise to take a break because people tend to be vulnerable and even desperate when they end a relationship. “A satisfied soul loathes the honeycomb, but to a hungry soul every bitter thing is sweet” (Proverbs 27:7). In other words, when people are desperate, they are prone to start a relationship hastily and indiscriminately, hoping that the other person will save them from loneliness. 💔
So what can you do? Here are 7 suggestions.
1) Focus on God
Rather than looking for love from a significant other at this time, bask in God’s perfect love. Practical ways to focus on God are attending a Bible study group or going on a retreat. For more details about focusing on His love, see the posts, “Why Selfless Esteem Is Better Than Self-Esteem,” “The Real Truth About God,” and “How To Pray in 5 Simple Steps.”
Ask God for wisdom (James 1:5) and direction of where to go from here—and then trust His plan. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight” (Proverbs 3:5-6).
2) Reflect
Find a competent therapist to help you reflect on why your other relationships didn’t work out. The therapist can also help you with expressing your feelings about the break-up and healing from it. See the post, “What is Wise Counsel and Good Therapy?“
Another way to reflect is journaling. Putting thoughts and feelings on paper releases them and allows you to sort through them.
3) Serve God and Others
Singlehood is an opportunity to serve the Lord without distraction; whereas, married people focus on how to please their spouses (1 Corinthians 7:34-35). You may already be serving God by helping others. Regardless, here are some ideas:
- Mentoring teenagers
- Visiting the elderly
- Participating in a ministry at church
- Becoming a volunteer for a nonprofit organization
4) Get Reacquainted with Family and Friends
Strengthen your relationship with family and friends by having quality time with them. Be proactive in finding out what they need and helping them if possible.
5) Practice a New Skill
Take up a new hobby or learn a skill. I recommend martial arts because it involves exercise, meditation, social interaction, and the practical skill of self-defense. Furthermore, you’ll feel a sense of accomplishment as you attain belts. A great dojo to check out in Los Angeles County is the Shaolin American Self Defense Academy. Most importantly, be sure that the hobby/skill is a good fit for you, or else you will feel discouraged quickly.
6) Get a New Pet
If you like animals, a new pet could be comforting and enjoyable, or you could spend more time with any current ones. They usually welcome the attention and respond with so much affection.
7) Avoid a Rebound
Be careful with what you expose yourself to. For example, you might want to avoid love songs and romantic comedies to prevent a rebound. Instead, consider listening to music about God’s goodness, such as K-Love.
For more thoughts on singlehood, see the post “Looking for Love” and “The One Thing All Single People Should Know.”
If nothing else, pursue a relationship with God, and love Him with all your heart, soul, strength and mind (Luke 10:27); you won’t regret it. “Therefore know that the Lord your God, He is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and mercy for a thousand generations with those who love Him and keep His commandments” (Deuteronomy 7:9). ❤️
All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New King James Version®. Copyright © 1984 by Thomas Nelson Publishers, Nashville, TN. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
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TC
This is such excellent and thoughtful advice, Gina! I always really enjoyed my singlehood, especially taking trips to new places either by myself or with a friend/family member. I don’t know why singlehood always gets such a bad reputation. 😁
Gina Leggio
Thanks for adding the idea of taking trips. Singlehood presents unique opportunities for travel that may not be an option for couples, especially those with children.